0:07 The first question is My love love for my wife is cold and selfish. What an honest person. How can I get out of this and actually love my wife as Christ loves the church? I have come to see 0:29 leave alone love for your wife. Love for anybody is you cannot keep the second commandment before you keep the first. The first commandment is not love one another. First commandment is love God with all 0:47 your heart. And if your failure in loving others is if there is a failure it very often is because you don't love God with all your heart. And what is it that prevents you from loving God with your heart? Only love of yourself. 1:03 If I the thing I have to break out of is love for myself. It's God and self. And the more I move away from love of self, the closer I get to love God. If I'm not loving God with all my heart, it means some degree my love is for 1:19 myself. Then I'll have problems with the second commandment of loving my wife or others as Christ God has loved me. So the only way to get out of it is to love God with all my heart and that is to say, "Lord, I want to love 1:38 you like Jesus loved you." How did Jesus love the Father? John 6:38 I have come from heaven never to do my own will but always to do the will of my Father. 1:55 If you say, "Lord, please help me that I'll never do my own will and whenever I find something I say, "This is my way. I don't want my way. I want to do it your way." I believe that will bring a relationship between you and God which is close. 2:14 And then you'll find God sovereignly gets involved in your relationship with all other believers and with your wife. It's God who's going to make you love others. If I recognize, you know, one of the 2:32 great truths that I have learned my definition of faith is You've often heard me use this example, the branch and the tree. This is the most clearest the clearest definition of faith I have found for myself. Faith is 2:51 helpless dependence on the tree on God. People say, "I don't have faith." I'll tell you why. You're arrogant and proud. Let me tell you straight to your face. You're arrogant and proud. You try to think you can produce fruit on your own. 3:09 If you really humble yourself say, "I can do nothing. I want to lean upon God." That's faith. So all lack of faith is because of arrogant pride. No other reason. You're too confident in yourselves. You think you can make it. You'll never be 3:25 able to make it. It's better if you realize now than realize it in eternity. So if you say, "Lord, I can't do it. I must lean upon you like the branch in the tree." This is faith. If you don't lean upon the Lord in helpless dependence 3:41 it moves it means you don't have faith. Then you have problems in loving others and loving your wife. Okay, second question is it true that as you and your spouse grow closer to the Lord your desire for sexual intimacy 4:01 with each other decreases? A completely wrong. The Lord said, "The two shall become one flesh." That was not Adam's idea. He said that is written even before sin came into the world. You read Genesis 2. 4:18 Man shall cleave to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Who said that? That was not a man who had a great desire for sex. No. It was almighty God who said it. And he said it before sin came into the world. So if 4:38 God himself has declared that a husband and wife must become one flesh is referring to the sexual intimacy. Anyone who tries to hinder that if a woman does not want to have sex, I have one advice for her. 4:57 Don't get married. And if you're already married don't divorce just humble yourself and obey God. And give yourself to your husband. There is no other alternative. Otherwise long ago you should have decided not to get married. 5:16 Definitely, but once you're married stick to it. You have to give to your body to your husband your husband. There I I don't see any other way out of it. Otherwise you disobey God. You can disobey. A lot of women think they're 5:28 very spiritual when they're not interested in sex. They're not spiritual. They're carnal. Absolutely carnal. So you get closer to God you'll obey God more. Don't you think so? Well God says the two shall be one flesh. So 5:41 it is your own crazy ideas about God that makes a person think sexual desire will become will decrease. Sexual desire decreases with age. That is a physical thing. That God has ordained it like that that the urge is greater when you're 5:58 19, 20 and all and much less when you're 70, 80. That is part of aging. It's like the body becomes weak in many areas. You can't run as fast when you're 80 like you can't like you could run when you were 20. That is physical weakness. So that type 6:14 of thing strength decreases and sexual ability decreases. That's okay. But as far as desire goes it's there's nothing wrong with it. Secondly, or thirdly, so third question. How can a husband and wife seek unity in Christ 6:32 when there are constant disagreements on household matters including things like how gentle or strict to be with children? Well when remember when uh husband and wife get married they're coming from two different households that have got different 6:52 values. Think for example, let me take an extreme case. Say supposing a man or let's say a woman has come from a very tidy type of household where everything is kept in its proper place neat and tidy all the time. And they work towards keeping the heat 7:09 place neat and tidy. And supposing he's married to a husband who's come from a home where they're all slipshod and say, "Well the main thing is we love one another. We're not bothered whether things are kept in the proper place." 7:19 They've got their uh some values right also that love is the greatest thing. Tidiness is important but second. So but when these two get married it's going to be a very blessed experience of learning to deny oneself in relationship with each other. 7:35 And both will become spiritual if they learn to deny themselves and say, "Well they're he's not right, she's not right but we can work together." Uh cleanliness and tidiness is not the most important thing. Godliness is the most important thing. 7:53 But that's not the only important thing. Health is important. To be clean in the house means you desire health. Otherwise you'll get sick. Your children will get sick. And tidiness is and you know keeping things in their proper place is 8:04 important because you'll know where to find it. See, I'm 86 years old. And I know pretty well where I can find some of my papers and documents in my house which I need to know because I run all the financial part of my house. I must know exactly where it is. 8:22 I can't afford to forget it. So I I know exactly where it is and uh I don't know where all the kitchen stuff is. That's my wife's business. But I know where these things are and I believe you should know where everything is kept. Not you should 8:37 not be so slipshod and think that that is not there's nothing spiritual about that. So I believe that uh in matters of tidiness we must bear with one another because allow for the fact that the other person has grown up for 25 years 8:54 or 30 years in another way of life. So there must be give and take as they say. Deny oneself and recognize that that your partner came from a different type of background. So don't get upset. Because you know a person who's very 9:10 tidy also can become a real nuisance because he can always be upset that the wife is not so tidy or vice versa. So we must bear with one another and wait till the other person adjust to your way of life. Tidiness is good but it's not as 9:28 important as godliness. So if you're getting upset that's worse. Then it's better to be untidy again and don't get upset. So anger is worse than untidiness. That I would definitely say. But it's better if you can get sort out both problems. 9:45 And as far as being strict with children I'll tell you something. I have observed children for many many years in many many countries. I've seen children of pastors wayward and a disgrace to the parents. 10:03 And I've seen other children of parents who are not even so godly, but who brought up their children in strictness of real credit to the way they were brought up. The way you have brought up your children is a pretty good indication of 10:17 your own spiritual level. I believe that. I'll tell you why. Because in 1 Timothy 3, take when you find time look it up. It says, "A man should not be allowed to be an elder or a leader in the church if he has not brought up his children 10:34 properly." One qualification for leadership in church more important than Bible knowledge is how you brought up your children. If you read 1 Timothy 3, it doesn't say Bible knowledge is very important. You should be able to teach, 10:49 agreed. But bring you the way you brought up your children is more important than Bible knowledge. Whereas the emphasis in nowadays is pastor must What degree did you get in a Bible school? I say, "I couldn't care less what degree you got 11:02 in a Bible school. Let me see how you have brought up your children." You cannot be an elder in your church if you have not brought up your children properly. That's what the Bible says because it says, "If you can't bring up two people 11:14 in home, where are you going to take care of 50 people in the church?" Now, I admit that it is referring primarily to children who are still in your home. Children who have grown up and left your home and are setting up their own life, 11:30 I am I'm not including them in this statement of mine. Though secondarily, that's also an indication of how you brought them up. But the restriction on eldership is primarily for those who have children in their own home. 11:45 And your children are disobedient, rebellious, and are living with you, you're not fit to be an elder. But you should be disturbed even if they are not following the Lord after you. Because I'll tell you why children going 11:59 away cannot disqualify a person from being an elder because this person who is an elder today may not have been converted 20 years ago when his children were at home. So, you can't blame him. He didn't know how to bring up his children then. 12:14 Now the children have grown up and left away from home and they have gone astray, but this guy is now converted. But he was converted after his children grew up. So, you don't disqualify him from eldership for children who have gone 12:25 away away from the home, but if they are in their home now and you can't control them, the Bible says, "How are you going to control a church of 50 people when you can't control two people two children in your own home?" 12:36 So, it's very important to bring up our children right. And as I said, let me repeat it. It does not refer to children who have left the home. But I believe that if your children are gone astray and they have left the home, 12:49 you husband and wife must pray for them. I have spoken to parents whose children have gone astray after they left the home. I said, "Will you promise me one thing? I can guarantee your children will come back to the Lord. 13:03 Both of you live with a clear relationship with each other. That means husband and wife. Your children are not at home. Make sure you had never have any tension with each other. Immediately set it right. Ask forgiveness and every day spend 5 13:17 minutes It's not a long time. kneeling down, confessing your sins to the Lord, and asking the Lord specifically to bring your children back to Christ. And make sure your relationship with each other is all correct. The Lord says in Matthew 18, "If two of 13:37 you agree concerning anything, we are in complete agreement, it shall be done." Claim that. And say, "Lord, my children are astray. Here husband We are in agreement husband and wife. We are not perfect, but we are in agreement. 13:51 We want you to bring our children back to the Lord." Okay. God will do it. I assure he'll do it. I've given that advice to many many couples whose children are who have grown up and children have gone astray. Next, as a husband, how can I shepherd 14:05 my wife who constantly fights to have her own way and disrespects me and raises her voice at me in front of our children? Well, I can sympathize with you, brother. But it's going to be very difficult if you have a wife like this, but you can 14:23 do one thing. By yourself, you can pray. Lord, please do something to bring peace in the home. Not to make life easier for me as a husband. Not for that reason. But Lord, your name is being dishonored in this home. I'm a child of God 14:43 and your name is being dishonored here. The devils having a heyday and glorying in the fact that our my children are astray. So, Lord, for the honor of your name, please bring some peace in this home 15:01 so that the name of Jesus will not be dishonored in the heavenlies. Cuz the devil is always accusing. So, the best way to is not by giving lectures to your wife or to your husband, whichever way it is, but by prayer. And 15:21 if you're the converted one, you're the spiritual one, then you should be the one who's more patient, loving, forgiving than your partner. Definitely. Your partner can is unconverted, permitted with the husband or wife, 15:37 whichever partner it is. If they are unconverted, they are permitted to get upset, get angry, and disrespectful and have their own way. They are permitted because they are children of the devil. That partner of yours is a child of the 15:48 devil. They they are permitted to behave like the devil even though it's wrong. But you're a child of God. You can't behave like that. See a pig and a cat. Put them both into the water into dirty water. Why is the cat jumps out and the pig 16:04 stays there? It's nature. So, think of yourself like a pig and a cat. You are the one who wants to get out. Let the pig stay there. You're a cat, you jump out. So, if you one of you is really God-fearing, you will not behave like the other 16:21 partner. The other partner is he is a pig, they'll behave like a pig. But you're a cat, so you you don't like dirty water. You get out immediately. And don't disrespect. They may the other partner may disrespect you, but you don't. 16:36 I believe even if your partner is like the devil him himself, husband or wife, you should behave like Jesus Christ. And that's certainly the way and don't worry about what the children The children will see the difference. 16:51 The God and God will give them discernment. They'll see either dad is right or mom is right and they'll follow the one who's following the Lord. But don't disrespect your partner because of that. The person is unconverted. 17:07 I mean, you can't keep on exhorting a pig to change. There's There's got to be a radical change in the nature so that the pig gets converted and become a cat. It's as radical born again become born again is as radical as a pig suddenly 17:20 becoming a cat. And the nature changes from within. It's not by exhorting a pig or tying a rope around its neck that it doesn't go into the dirty water. Those are all external restraints. That's not conversion. Conversion is when the nature inside 17:34 changes and the pig is now a cat. It will not even when there's nobody looking, it will not go into the dirty water. So, that's what we must pray. We must pray again if your partner is unconverted, you got to keep on praying 17:46 until he or she is converted. As a wife, I struggle with my body getting older and wonder if my husband still finds me attractive. How can I overcome this? Well, the is probably you do wonder, 18:04 but there's probably the husband needs to express himself a little more to the wife that he does find her attractive. I mean, my wife and I are not the most handsome and beautiful people in the world, but we love one another 18:23 even though we are married nearly 57 years and we're not the world's most handsome or beautiful people. But that's not the thing, you know. We have learned through the years to see man looks on the outward appearance. God looks at the heart. 18:41 So, if you're godly, you look at a person's heart. If you're ungodly, you look at the outward appearance. So, if you whoever you are, man or woman, if you're looking at the outward appearance of your partner, say to yourself, "I am an ungodly person." Keep 18:59 saying that to yourself. I'm a thoroughly ungodly person because I'm always looking at the outward appearance. If you're godly, God looks at the heart. Very clear in 1 Samuel 16:7. Man looks on the outward appearance, God looks at 19:13 the heart. So, if you are concerned about your aging, you're probably very concerned about your outward appearance, also. I'm aging. I lost my hair long ago. In fact, when I was a young man, I said, "Lord, I thank you that I'm losing my 19:28 hair. Nobody will marry for me me for my hair now. And I don't want anybody to marry me for my hair. I want someone to marry me because I love Jesus. So, you ask yourself why you are concerned that your body is aging and you wonder, 19:45 "Does my husband find me attractive?" Something's wrong with you, sister. That you're concerned about the outward appearance. It's good to be neat and tidy and look as best as you can. But when you get old you there certain 19:57 things you just can't do. So value the if your husband is unconverted what to do? You try to keep yourself clean and neat. You can't make yourself beautiful but you can be neat and clean and tidy. That's all you can do. Do that 20:12 and love him in a way that he sees that you don't love him because he's handsome or you I love him because God gave him to be your husband. I speak very strongly in some of these areas not because I want to be offensive 20:28 but I'm very concerned that after so many years of hearing the truth we don't seem to look at people the way God looks at them. Why is Jesus called the friend of sinners? What are the title given to him? Do you know that before Jesus became the 20:43 savior of sinners on the cross he was known as the friend of sinners. You read that in Luke 7. So I must see the friend of sinners before I can lead them to salvation because that's how Jesus was. He had a title reputation friend of 20:58 sinners. He's always hanging around with sinners. He was not a sinner himself. He was the purest man that walked on the earth. So I believe that if you have a spouse who is sinful in many ways be a friend. Let them see that you're a friend and not 21:13 always trying to convert them. Okay, my born-again spouse has serious mental health issues. That is serious including bipolar and schizoaffective disorders. How should I cope with their impulsive wild mood swings? 21:32 Well, whoever you are husband or wife I can sympathize with you. I think you should consult a doctor and find some medical treatment for that the best medical mental health treatment that you can get and pray 21:51 that God will have mercy and ask God to give you special grace. You know that word in 2 Corinthians 12:9. You know it? My grace is what's the next word? Sufficient. 22:09 My grace is sufficient for you. So if somebody else need is greater my grace is sufficient for you. Supposing God says I'll provide all your financial need. Maybe you're living in a country where you need only $500 $500 a month to live. 22:28 He'll give you that much. You're living in another country where you need $5,000 every month. Says I'll provide your need. It's the same way. My God will supply your need according to what it is. So if your need is great because your 22:44 husband's got some mental health issues he'll give you more grace. My grace is sufficient for you according to your need. In other words the size of your vessel if you need is great means the vessel is very huge grace will fill it. 22:59 If your need is little grace will fill it. It's always sufficient for your need. Please trust the Lord to give you grace to handle it. Next question. I struggle with suspicion and mistrust of my spouse even though there is no evidence of adultery. 23:18 How can I cope with this? I think it's an over suspicious attitude you have when there's not even the slightest evidence of adultery. I mean I presume this is a woman suspecting her husband of adultery is a rare case where a husband 23:35 suspects his wife of adultery that would be peculiar but it here's a woman I suppose suspecting and she says there's no evidence of adultery then why do you suspect it? Because you hear stories of other husbands are unfaithful. 23:47 So you say yeah possibly my husband is also unfaithful but there's no evidence of it. Why do you suspect it? You pray to the Lord say Lord don't let me live in suspicion with my husband or partner and don't let me live with mistrust. If 24:01 there is clear evidence of suspicion of it be honest and say don't tell her I suspect you of adultery that'll create problems. But discuss it from scripture we must be faithful to one another in this manner and express your affection. 24:18 You know sometimes a woman can I've heard I'm in a Christian husband will never go into adultery if he's walking with the Lord it is impossible. He has to stop walking with the Lord to commit adultery with anyone. But a Christian husband also can be tempted 24:37 tremendously if her if her if his wife is uncooperative in the sexual area then she's the one who's tempting him all the time to be watch pornography or something like that. 24:55 So woman should just judge herself whether she is obeying scripture which says the two shall be one flesh. Are you willing to be one flesh with your husband? The husband will always a normal husband is a man will always be eager to be one 25:10 flesh with his wife. But many wives are what I say a super spiritual or crazy type of understanding of sex that they don't want to have with their husband and they ask silly questions like why are you always why are you so crazy to 25:24 have sex? The answer is because he's a man. That's all. No other answer for that. And you don't understand that because you're a woman and you'll never understand it until you read God's word that says God has put different desires. 25:38 It's it's like asking your it's as silly a question as asking your husband why do you have hair on your face? See my face the wife says I don't have any hair on my face. That's a stupid wife. Equally stupid is a wife who says why do 25:50 you have so much sexual desire? I don't have it. Equally stupid as asking why don't you have why do you have hair on your face? It's because many women don't understand how men are made and that's why in such meeting I speak 26:02 very strongly on this so that all women will understand that God has made man different from you. Okay. I I get a lot of thanks from many sisters from many brothers rather for speaking like that. But I'm teaching God's word. It's God's 26:23 truth. Okay. What are some guidelines on what should should or should not be shared with my spouse? Okay, things concerning your office secret information. I was in the navy. I was not married then 26:43 but even if I were I mean there a lot of secret information you discover when you're working in the military and you should never share it with your wife. And there there things concerning office matters or perhaps somebody 26:55 as an elder some people tell me certain things concerning their problems. I don't share it with my wife. Why should she know? Why should I burden her with things that don't concern her? So we should be very careful. If if you're an elder and you and your 27:11 wife your wife is an elder and she's a wholehearted sister and then you probably need her help sometimes in finding out what is the condition of certain sisters in the church because you can't approach them directly. So there 27:27 there may be a need to share with your spouse if your spouse is really spiritually minded. But if you don't happen to have a spiritually minded wife I don't think you can consult her about even any sister in the church. 27:39 You probably got to ask another elder to ask his wife to find out how things are with other sisters. We have to be very careful. But all other matters I believe we should be open in all family matters. We should be completely open 27:55 with our wife. And if for example a wife is spendthrift do you know what a spendthrift is? One who just keeps on spending. You probably should not tell your wife how much money you have. It's better she does not know how much 28:08 money you have otherwise she'll spend lavishly. It is better she thinks you have less. But if your wife is a very disciplined in financial matters it's perfectly all right if she knows. It all depends on the type of wife she 28:23 is. So those are a few guidelines on how much you share with your spouse. And if it's a wife telling her husband I believe that for example if you have medical problems or physical infirmities I believe husband and wife should share 28:36 completely with each other. Some weakness they have or some struggle they have in some area. Whatever struggle if you and the closer you are a husband and wife you know you can be honest with with your partner. My I I be careful in sharing things 28:59 about your own family with your partner which may make him react in a bad way towards your family if he's not a spiritually minded man. So don't betray your family and cause more tension between your family and your husband. 29:17 My loving husband is even encouraging me to work part-time to help with the financial need and to gain some work experience for our retirement later. Is this wise when we still have children at home now? I cannot tell you what you should do. 29:35 But primarily you know it says in uh what Titus I think chapter two. Titus chapter two it says I'd like to turn you to scripture which 29:52 is always the safe thing to read. Um Older women 30:08 must encourage the younger women to love their husbands Second, to love their children. Third, to be sensible. Fourth, to be pure. And fifth, to be workers at home. 30:27 This is Holy Spirit has written this. It's not me. Older women must encourage their younger women. Titus two and verse four and five, to be workers at home. Subject to their own husbands, so that 30:45 the word of God is not dishonored. Now, we don't make that a law because if a husband is crippled, incapacitated, she has to go to work to earn for the family. Or if they're not not earning enough. But I believe there's a place there to 31:05 trust the Lord and be willing to downsize your home to live at a lower level. See, when my wife and I married, she's a medical doctor from one of the top medical colleges in India. And could have easily She was working as 31:17 an anesthetist. And but then we got married and we had children. And so Have you heard of a thing called 31:37 thoughtfulness? This is what you just saw. It's a lesson to be learned in other situations. Okay. So, working, I don't make a law on this because situations are different and in some places you need income from both husband and wife 31:55 to live in certain cities in the world today. But I would say don't neglect your children. My wife was working in a hospital in our first year of marriage. I said, "Okay, fine." But as soon as our first son was born, she herself said, 32:12 "I want to be a mother first and a doctor next." And then we had three more children and she's been a mother, never gone to work till from that day. Therefore, we had to live at a much lower standard because I never had a job. I was just trusting the 32:28 Lord for my needs. We lived very simply. It would have been uh we could have earned a lot of money if I sent her to work and I stayed at home looking after the children. But God had called me to serve him, not to look after children. So, she decided 32:41 she'll be a mother. And gave up being a doctor until the last child went to college. And then again, she didn't earn She's never earned one cent as a doctor till today. But after that she's been able to help hundreds of people in need in a 32:59 poor country like India. Many, many people. And I'll tell you this, we have not lacked I mean, it means I'll tell you what we could not afford to take our children to restaurants. In our entire married life, I never took 33:13 my family to a restaurant once. What did we lose by that? I could never take my family on a vacation to see some country or the other. Never. What did we lose by that? All four of my children are following the Lord. That's because she was at home. 33:28 What did we lose? Visits to restaurants, travel to other countries, and expensive gadgets in the home. We could not afford a washing machine for many, many years. My wife washed with her hands. Just People ask me, "How do you wash your 33:42 clothes?" I said, "The way Jesus washed his clothes." Jesus didn't have a washing machine. So, we neither had We neither had one either. And people think we There are some things are so essential. If you can afford it, yes. We couldn't afford it 33:53 and we would not follow this buy now, pay later scheme. Never. We say, "If I can't buy If I don't have the money now, I don't buy it." If God wants you to buy some When we could afford it, we bought it. We bought a second-hand one. 34:07 And later on when we could afford it, we bought a new one. So, we've been very careful. But the main thing that delights me is not what standard of living we lived at. If she had worked as a doctor, I could probably drive a car. What did we lose 34:21 by not driving a car? What did we lose by not going to restaurants? What did we lose by not traveling the world? We have four children following the Lord. That's what thrills our heart. And that's what will thrill your heart one 34:31 day if you put God first and you know that your children must follow the Lord, not that they must live at a certain standard of living. If you have to make your wife work to live at a standard of living, my advice to you, brother, is downsize. 34:45 You can live in a smaller house. You don't lose much. Make your aim, my children must grow up as disciples of Jesus Christ. Okay. Uh And then you think about retirement later. You must have some work 35:02 experience for retirement there. Yeah. If you honor God, I'll tell you even when you retire, God will take care of you. We must be wise in finances and I've always encouraged people to save money for the future. You know that verse in If you don't know 35:17 that verse, it's a very important verse that many Christians don't follow. Proverbs Turn with me to Proverbs. Proverbs is a wonderful It's one of the old new covenant books in the Old Testament. One of the rare new covenant books. 35:31 Proverbs and chapter six. Easy to remember, Proverbs 6:6. Verse six, "Go to the ant, you lazy man. Observe the ways of an ant and be wise." Have you seen an ant? In India, we have 35:49 so teeny-weeny ants. And I've seen them in the house carrying one grain of rice. I've seen it crawling on the ground. One grain of rice it's carrying to its hideout. For what? Not for itself. If it were for itself, it could have 36:06 eaten it somewhere else. It's carrying it for its little children. This wee teeny ant ant is carrying it not only for itself, but for children. And here it says for the future. "Go to the ant, you lazy man. Observe her ways and be wise. It has no chief, 36:20 no ruler, no officer. It prepares its food in the summer and in the harvest time because it knows after the harvest time is over, the winter will come will come, there'll be no food available. I better store up something now itself." 36:36 I think of an ant. I mean, I I don't know all this, but because the Bible says it is like that, I believe it. I sometimes thought this teeny-weeny ant, what is the size of its brain? What is the size of an ant's brain? It thinks about the future. I must store 36:51 up something for the future. And it's written here, "You lazy man, you learn to store up something for the future." I personally believed all my life I believed that all my married life I must, even though we had very little, 37:07 said we must save something because one day suddenly anything may happen. You may have hospital expense and or some other expense, children's education. We also have stored up something for the future. And let me save that for that time. 37:25 It says in uh Second Corinthians and chapter 12, verse 14. In the middle. Parents are responsible for saving up for their children. 37:43 The last part of Second Corinthians 12, verse 14. Do you believe in obeying the word of God? Parents are responsible for saving up for their children. Which means parents must deny themselves certain luxuries. They must not buy unnecessary 38:00 clothes for themselves. They must not make unnecessary visits here and there which are going to spend money. Save up for their children. To educate their children, to get their children established in a good job. Very important. 38:16 Another question. My husband, who is a professing Christian, does not want to give any money to our biblically faithful local church. Should I secretly give money to the church without letting my husband know? See, I don't want to bring a division 38:30 between both of you. I The ideal would be husband and wife are absolutely transparent with each other. And a wife should be subject to her husband. So, I cannot make a law on this. And uh certainly, if the wife is not earning anything, 38:48 she should not take any of the husband's money and give it to the church. It's not her money. But if she is earning and her husband is earning, then she has some right over the money she has earned. Not complete because her husband 39:00 is still her head. The ideal would be she asks her husband. But if she if she's guilty, I feel guilty that I've earned something and I must give my portion to the Lord. Then you know what the Bible says. Don't let your left hand know what your 39:18 right hand is doing. That's what I advice I gave to one person who asked me. "Brother Zach, my my parents are in desperate need financially and they took care of me when I was a child. Now they are struggling financially and I've got a good job, but 39:35 my wife will not let me send money to my parents." I said, "What should I do?" He He asked me. I said, "Do something with your left hand which your right hand does not know." Simple. Sure, there's that's a scripture for 39:51 that. Okay. Now, some questions on parenting. In our family, some members are keen to be involved in church events, but others are not. How do we balance putting family second floor before the church third floor so that we don't lose any of our family 40:08 members without being self-centered and thinking about our own family? See, I cannot make You're talking about some other members of some other family. Oh, some members of the family are not involved in church events, while others 40:22 are not. When you say some members of your family, it must be your children. And I believe the father If the father's not interested, you cannot force him. But if children are not interested, you got to teach them from very young age. 40:37 See, for example, my I used to tell my children, "There's one day in a week you must go to church. I don't care how important your school work is or college work or examination thing. One day, I'm not asking you to come for 40:51 the Wednesday midweek meeting, but you must come for the Sunday morning meeting. You can't skip even Sunday saying I've got school work to do." So, that's that's a principle I followed and I never regretted it. Sometimes when the children were 41:05 studying hard, I would I'd close the book and say, "You got to go to church today." So, this is Sunday. So, you have We have to go. And I'd say, "If you haven't pre- prepared for tomorrow's examination, don't worry. God will help you. 41:20 You honor God, God will honor you." And I've never regretted giving that advice in all these years. My children have did okay in their examinations. We We try to put God first in everything. And that The result is still today, 41:33 they've learned to put God first. I'm very happy about that. So, how do we balance putting family? Our family is not a When you say the church is more important, the three floors, foundation, oh, sorry. Uh personal life, family life, church 41:53 life. Agreed. But don't equate church life with God. God is not third floor. God is foundation. Don't forget that. First floor is personal life, second floor is family life, third floor is church life. But where's God in all 42:09 this? Not third floor. Foundation. And that is more important than first second and third floor. So, that's what people confuse. When they say when third floor church means God is also there, he's not there. He's underneath. 42:21 Foundation. And if you don't have him in the foundation, nothing will work. So, many people think uh we can't put church above family. I agree. But you must put God above the family because he's in the foundation. So, then you get the answer to that 42:38 situation. Another question. Can you give us one or two practical tips on raising children, specifically how to lead them to the ways of the Lord? I'll tell you what. The best thing that you can do for your children is to love your marriage 42:50 partner with all your heart. Love God with all your heart and love your husband or wife as Christ loved the church. That's the best way you can raise your children for the Lord. That they see the atmosphere in the home between father and mother, one of love 43:05 and respect for God. And you must have some time of the day when you can open the scriptures. In our home, we never had morning family prayer because it was a rush for the children to go to school. We would pray with them every day when 43:23 they before they went to school, we'd have a brief prayer with them. Even if it was very brief before they went to school. But we didn't read the Bible in the morning because it was too rushed. But the evening, they came back from school, 43:35 they finished their homework, we sit around dinner time, that's the time we would open the scriptures every day and say something from scripture because then everybody's relaxed. So, you must share the scripture sometime 43:49 during the day with with parents and that is the most important thing in raising children for the Lord that they recognize that uh God is important and in practical things like teach them to be righteous with money. 44:07 Teach them to be upright. You know, there's a lot of corruption in the school systems in India. And uh once You see, one of the difficult subjects that our children faced was language, Hindi. Hindi was a language everybody had to 44:24 study because it was a national language in India. But we never speak Hindi in the home, so that is a very difficult subject for them. They would do very well in all the other subjects and the average would come down because 44:36 Hindi they would get low marks. So, it was a problem with many people in that part of India. So, what happens is corrupt people get the final examination Hindi paper from somewhere and sell it for a price to those who want to buy it. 44:53 These type of things are happening in India. So, once the news went round few days before the final examination in Hindi that Hindi paper is available. And I said, "What a wonderful opportunity to teach my children." So, I told my children, 45:10 "Yes, I heard that the Hindi paper is available, the question paper. Even if somebody gives it to me free, I will not show it to you. You think me an evil father? You'll one day discover I'm the best father you could have had. 45:25 I will not show it to you. I don't care if you fail in the Hindi paper because I did not show it to you. I'm more interested in your learning righteousness than learning Hindi or passing any examination." My children turned out all right. 45:39 They did not get top marks in Hindi, so what? They follow the Lord even today. So, put the Lord first, teach them practical spiritual truths. Ask them to ask for I remember when my children were small, one of them was fighting with the 45:55 neighbor's children or something, 5 years old. All 5-year-old children fight. And I asked him, "Why are you fighting with him?" You know, the usual answer, "He fought with me first." Okay. I said, "I don't care. He He's an He's 46:07 an unconverted person. We have to go and ask forgiveness So, I said, "Let's go to his house." So, I went with my little 5-year-old boy to his house and knocked at the door. The man opened the door and said, "My wife My son has got something to say to 46:19 your son." So, I had taught my son what to say. "I'm sorry for arguing and fighting with you. Please forgive me." And that other boy graciously accepted it and said goodbye. I said, "Okay." And my coming back, my dad My son said, 46:32 "Dad, he never asked any forgiveness from me. He was also He started the fight." I said, "Forget it. He's not converted. He's not a Christian. His parents are not Christians. They don't have to ask response They don't have to ask forgiveness from 46:46 anybody. We are Christians." 20 years later, I don't know where that boy is. I know where my son is. So, teach your children values from a young age. What's the appropriate age to teach children about sex and male female 47:04 genitalia? I can't say there's a particular age because the Bible doesn't say so. But in because it's becoming more and more widespread now than it was 40 years ago when I raised my children and in a different country, you have to decide according to how much 47:22 this information is being spread. Supposing your child is going to school where the all this thing is being widespread nowadays, then you need to teach them earlier. I wouldn't say a particular age. Different different places and different 47:35 towns. According to your situation, be wise. Don't tell them more than is necessary to know. And uh sometimes it is good to have a good Christian book on it. on that children should know about male 47:55 female genitalia and how babies are born. And ask them to read it if you're embarrassed to speak it. I found a little booklet like that when my children were 13 14 years old. In those days, 13 14 was good enough. Now, probably they need to know it when they 48:08 are 8 or 9. But uh it I found it easy less embarrassing for them and for me if they read it in a book. And then I say, "If you have any questions, come and ask me. I can talk to you." Okay? I believe the baptism of the Holy Spirit 48:24 is the only way to deal with any struggles against sin. I've been asking to be filled with the love for a long time and I'm getting tired of asking without having received the answer. Well, my personal home life continues to 48:35 feel like hell. What should I do? Well, you know, sometimes we are looking for an experience, not the power of the Holy Spirit, looking for an experience because you heard so many people testifying of their experience. But each person's experience is 48:52 different. You see the experiences of the receiving the Holy Spirit in the new Acts of the Apostles. In Acts chapter 2, it was rushing mighty wind and fire and all that. In Acts chapter 8, in Samaria, it just says they received spirit. I 49:08 don't even know how they received. But the magician Simon saw something. I don't know what he saw. You go to Acts chapter 10, uh Cornelius, he didn't even ask. Suddenly the Holy Spirit came upon him. He didn't even pray for it. 49:21 And then you go to Acts chapter 19, you find Paul lay prayed and lay hands. What I learned from all these examples of their receiving and being filled with the Holy Spirit in the Acts of the Apostles, each case was different, 49:33 teaching me one thing, the Holy Spirit has a variety in the Holy Spirit, so uh coming upon people and that fits in with what Jesus said in John chapter 3 about the ministry of the Holy Spirit. You remember what Jesus said about the ministry of the Holy 49:49 Spirit when he was speaking to Nicodemus in John chapter 3. I find this is a very useful verse. In John chapter 3 and uh verse 8. The wind blows where it wishes. You hear the sound. You don't know where 50:08 it's coming from, where it is going. So is every single person born of the Holy Spirit. Wonderful verse. It teaches us the operation of the Holy Spirit is completely different in each person. In one person it is from the east, 50:23 another person from the west, another person from the north or the south or the southeast or southwest. There are 360° in the compass and the Holy Spirit can operate in any one from any one of those directions. Okay. So 50:37 you're probably looking for some experience. That's why you're getting tired of asking. Say, "Lord fill me with the Holy Spirit. Give me an assurance in my heart I'm filled and let me see the result of it in my daily life, the fruit of the Spirit 50:51 primarily." "My spiritual failures come out of frustration and anger that I direct towards my children." "And my whole off home often feels like a replica of hell with yelling and screaming and gnashing of teeth. What can I do for this?" Well, begin 51:08 with a change in your own life before you try to change others. Say, "Lord I don't want to behave like somebody in hell. Even if the others around are like that. Let me judge myself and humble myself, not demand that your husband or your 51:24 wife should behave like that. Say, "Lord, let me behave. And if the whole house is full of darkness if one person lights a candle some light comes in. Have you heard this expression? I often like to quote it. It is better to light a candle 51:42 than to curse the darkness. Never forget it. It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness. Is there darkness in your home? Home? You can spend all your life cursing it, no light will come. Stop cursing it and go and find a candle 51:58 and light it. Show some light. It may not be as bright as some other person's Christ-like life. A little candle. Little by little light will come. Some other people want to light their candles from yours. And like that the light can spread. 52:13 And pray and God will make it better and better. "I home school our children, but I find that I'm constantly screaming at them to do their school work and brush their teeth, etc. Is it better to send them to school outside the home?" 52:29 See, the reason why many people home school their children is because the influences in the school nowadays are so bad. But if you can't handle it then you should think more about it and see how depends on what you can afford. 52:42 Some people can afford to send them to a good school where there not so many bad influences as in public schools. Some people just can't afford to send them to a good school, then I think you got to discipline yourself and say, "According to my financial 52:56 resources help me to control my temper. And uh there's no need to keep on shouting at your children to brush their teeth. There's gentler ways of saying it, too. Or putting your arm around them and say, "Hey, listen, did you brush your teeth 53:12 today?" And you need to control your own temper. Problem is not with your children or with the daily routine. You need to ask God to con- help to control your temper. "Every time something goes wrong in my family like a child getting sick or 53:32 my spouse yelling at the kids, I think I think, 'Oh, this is happening because I committed this sin yesterday.' Does God allow things like that to discipline us parents?" No. These things do not happen because you sinned yesterday, it's because 53:45 they've not overcome their sinful nature. So we need to be patient and read God's word together and say, "Let's let's all try to improve our behavior here by seeking Jesus Christ to become Lord of our life and fill us with the 53:59 Spirit." Okay, another question. How can I praise God when my child is I am going through physical pain and sickness? The Lord's not asking you to praise God for the sickness. Nowhere in the Bible does it say, "Thank God for that 54:11 sickness." No. Thank God that he's on the throne. He's in control of everything. He we are living in a world of pain, sickness, frustration. We're living in a world which is under sin. Sin came into the world and Adam began to perspire and all types of 54:31 evil came because of sin. So we must face the fact that we're living in a world that has been cursed by God because of sin. So there are a lot of things that have happened which affect believers, too. But in the midst of it we can triumph. 54:46 I mean, haven't you heard wonderful stories of people who were extremely sick and who rejoiced and trusted in the Lord? You can be like that, too. So it's a wonderful thing when in the midst of sickness and trials you praise the Lord. 55:01 So God allows, you know, in the midst of the darkness for a light to shine for the Lord is a greater thing than a to light a candle. For example, here's a room fully lit. What's use my lighting a candle here? There's no need for it. There's already 55:14 plenty of light. So to try to be a Christian where there are already some wonderful Christians around it's not a great thing. But to be a Christian in some dark room where everybody's behaving like a non-Christian, that's a great thing. 55:26 So be a light where there's a darkness. Ask for God for the power of the Spirit. "I'm concerned about my child's exposure to the world knowing there's a limit to how much I can protect their eyes and their mind. How can I shape their young minds to 55:42 resist worldly distractions?" It's only by teaching them God's word as I said earlier. "How can I ensure as a that my children are not indoctrinated into the Catholic faith by my mother-in-law who's a Catholic living with us?" 55:59 I think you got to speak to your mother-in-law. She's not the head of your home. You and your husband They are not children are not hers. She already had her turn bringing up children. Now it is your turn to bring up your 56:11 children and graciously, lovingly you and your husband or you and your wife must go to your mother-in-law and say "Mom you had your turn to bring up your children your way. Please allow us to bring up our children. You may not 56:28 agree with our way. We don't agree with your way. Allow us to bring up our children our way, so please don't tell them your faith cuz we don't agree with it." You have to be firm. Otherwise you lose your children. Don't love your mother-in-law more than 56:44 you love your children. "If children of relatives or neighbors come over to our home for short-term or long-term visits is it appropriate to correct them if they misbehave in our home?" Sure. You're the head of the home, but you you 56:57 can't correct your neighbors' children in this as strictly as you correct your own. So but graciously, gently you can say "Listen, son we don't do those things in this house. So please don't do it when you're here." You can graciously say that to your 57:16 for neighbors son or daughter is coming to your house that you we have certain standards and please say gently and say we are Christians, so we don't do those things. "Our grown-up daughter who lives with us is medically unwell. 57:31 She and therefore she swears at us and is very rude to my husband." That means I presume that's her father unless you're a divorced couple. How should we deal with this difficult situation? I think if that is your daughter and your 57:46 husband is you who you who you married, not her father then it is your your responsibility. Go and tell your daughter "That's not the way to behave to my husband. Even though he's not your father you got to respect him because he's now 57:58 the head of this house." So you have to be firm. Whoever is the parent of that child must speak firmly because you shouldn't let that child take over. Medically unwell, say, "We will do everything to help you, treat, spend money on you, care for you but we 58:13 won't let you run this house." "How should we deal with unconverted adult son who's living in sin including drug addiction?" You have to be firm. You may not feel like putting him putting him out of the house because he'll go astray 58:30 but you got to be firm and say "Listen, son, in this house we have certain standards. And we cannot allow you to do things which are dishonoring to Christ in this house." Be wise. We want to save our son and sometimes putting this young out of the house make 58:47 make it make matters worse for him. He may go and join bad company. So you have to be wise. I cannot give you a standard answer. But you do try and correct him, correct him, correct him, but if he's reputedly repeatedly disagreeing 58:59 and uh causing problems, then you need to consider what you should do next. Ask for some advice from some godly older person who will understand your situation better. Now here are some questions concerning pre-marriage. 59:14 "What are some non-negotiables that I should ask a potential marriage partner before considering her as a wife? Doctrinal differences, family management, etc." Primarily what you need to ask is, "Are you born again? Do you know Jesus This savior?" 59:31 Who and ask for a testimony. Then you'll find out whether they're bluffing or whether they really know. Very important. Light and darkness cannot mix. And so uh you must never marry and See, the Bible says there are children 59:49 of God and children of the devil. Those are not my words. 1 John chapter 3 says that. When you are you are born into world, you people are following the devil and they get born again. That's when they become a child of God. I don't like to 1:00:02 tell people you're a child of the devil. But they become children of God only when they're they're born again. You know, Jesus told some people in his time, "Your father is the devil." So, I I personally believe that those 1:00:17 who are not born again, I mean, the devil is their father whether you like it or not. So, if you marry somebody who is not born again, I ask you, who will your father-in-law be? You know who your father-in-law be, and you can't stop your father-in-law from 1:00:32 visiting your home. He'll come regularly. So, be careful. As a single woman without a father who could give careful consideration to God's wisdom, how can I know whether a brother is pleasing God consider for marriage? You must go to the elders of 1:00:47 your church. If you don't have a father who can guide you, go to some godly older person, much older person, to guide you in considering marriage, and God will help you. If you don't have anybody, then you pray to God to guide him so I believe God 1:01:03 will be very interested in helpless girls who are seeking for partners in marriage. I'm from a Hindu background and I've been thinking seriously about marriage because I'm getting older. Is it appropriate for me to approach my elders 1:01:17 about this? Definitely. Ask your elders to suggest somebody for you consider about. Is it because they are more likely to know people? Is it okay to consider marriage only with someone from my own ethnic background? I don't insist on that. 1:01:35 I said it must be the same spiritual level. Ethnic background is not necessary because in the body of Christ there are all types of personalities, nationalities. You see, in India, for example, you say Indian must marry Indian. But in India itself, 1:01:50 there are 20 different communities who speak 20 different languages. So, it's more more important that there's similarity. Of course, you must be able to speak your own language. If both don't speak the same language, the only thing is that only good thing 1:02:05 is they won't fight with each other. But otherwise, you should try to speak the same language. That's primary. And then uh similarity of values, that's most important. Spiritual values must be the same. That is most important. Ethnic background, 1:02:22 it's good, but it's not essential. Language must be the same. That you should be able to communicate to each other. Okay. Is it wise for a single brother to move to another city for better marriage prospects? You don't have to move to 1:02:38 another city for better marriage prospects. You can marry somebody from another place. Ask your elders and those or some older people to suggest someone who and pray about it. This is a very important thing nowadays, you know, because 1:02:51 because we have a principle that we only marry a believer, we're limited in our choice, but God will still help you. Okay, the last question. My parents and siblings who are nominal Christians are drifting away from the 1:03:04 way of discipleship. My parents and my siblings. As a result, I feel increasingly distant from them and don't want to spend time with them. How can I be committed to Christ without neglecting my family? Be a strong Christian yourself. 1:03:20 Very strong in the Lord. Seek to be filled with the Holy Spirit every day. And then don't avoid your family. You want to bring them to Christ. So, uh if they're not walking the way of discipleship, you go in there and manifest the love of God to them. They 1:03:35 will be drawn to Christ. You know the wonderful word that Jesus said, beautiful word, John 12, "I, if I be lifted up, will draw all men towards me." Not push. You don't push people towards Christ, we draw them. It's like a magnet. 1:03:52 So, uh I I remember, I'll say this in closing. You know, India is a po- country billions of people. And 98% of them are other religions. 98%. And if you include the Catholics, it's 1:04:11 99%. And 1% Protestant Christians, and among that 1% very few are born again. So, I said, "Lord," I remember when I started serving the Lord, I said, "Lord, how in the world can I bring, you know, it's like there's a saying in English, finding a needle in a 1:04:27 haystack." A huge haystack and there are four or five needles in it. To find believers, those are longing for God in this huge haystack of billions of people of different religions. I said, "How can I Should I go and dig 1:04:39 in every place and look for people who are interested?" It's impossible. And the picture the Lord gave me is if there's a powerful magnet outside the haystack, it'll pull these pins out one by one. And that is a strong local church. 1:04:57 So, the Lord said to me, "Build a strong local church, and one by one from the midst of this haystack, people will come." And believe it or not, we've seen that happen. Thousands have come to our churches in the last 50 1:05:12 years. From here and there, they come. Somehow or the other, somebody tells them or they get attracted or something. And like that, we have numerous churches in India among completely non-Christian communities. And most of thousands of 1:05:26 them from non-Christian religions. So, God can do anything. And even your family, God can do. If you stand up for Christ and be like a magnet and don't compromise, God can do miracles. Let us pray. Heavenly Father, thank you for this time and 1:05:45 even if all answers were not met, pray you will give us wisdom to be led by your spirit. All those who are in need, Lord, any Christians not answered, please answer them yourself. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.
