0:00 You know, our theme is be filled with the Holy Spirit. How many of you know where that verse occurs in the Bible in the New Testament? Be filled with the spirit. Nobody? 0:19 Ephesians 5 18 Okay. Ephesians 5 18 And what's the big section that comes after that? Husbands and wives. 0:37 Did you know that? That immediately after it says be filled with the spirit in Ephesians 5:18, it first speaks about praising God, which is a very natural result of being filled with the spirit. Giving thanks, singing, and making 0:56 melody to your heart and to the Lord. Ephesians 5 20 And then it speaks about husbands and wives, verse 22 to 33. Children and parents chapter 6 verse 1 to 4 1:14 And in those days all homes had helpers or servants at home. Slaves and masters chapter 6 verse 5 to 9. So, it's an entire section on the Christian home such as found never anywhere else in the Bible and it comes immediately after saying be 1:30 filled with the Holy Spirit. Teaching us that if you're really filled with the spirit, it will lead to godly homes. And also that if you want to build a godly home, you need to be filled with the spirit. And what comes immediately after 1:45 the section on the Christian home? The battle against Satan. Chapter 6 verse 10 to 18. That's also the only place in the whole New Testament where it gives a detailed description of battle against Satan teaching us that the home is going to be the place 2:04 where it's going to be maximum battle against Satan. So, think of this. The whole section on the Christian home is sort of sandwiched. On one side be filled with the spirit. On the other side fight the devil. Very, very important to recognize it. 2:21 So the section on the home begins with husbands be subject to your wives. Right? No. How many say no? How many say yes? 2:40 You heard me before, that's why you say yes. Okay, I'll show you that verse. Ephesians 5:21 Husbands be subject to your wives. Is it there or not? You didn't see it yet? It is there. 3:00 Many people don't read it. They rush into verse 22. Wives be subject to your husbands and that's the reason why there's such a lot of problems. Because the whole section begins with be subject to one another. Then 3:21 he goes on to wives be subject to your husbands and the husband to the wife. See, the reason why it says that is in the fear of Christ. We need to understand this in family relationships. That God has drawn a boundary around every 3:37 one of us. The husband has got a boundary, the wife has got a boundary, and amazingly children have a boundary. I should not go into their boundary. In other words I cannot treat a child like a piece of furniture. A piece of furniture has got no 3:54 boundary. I can treat it as I like, throw it around, and do whatever I like to it, but I can't do that to a child. For example, I'll give you one example. If my child disobeys and does something wrong in the presence of visitors 4:09 I should not punish that child in the presence of those visitors because that becomes a double punishment. It's punished physically and then it's humiliated in the presence of others and that hurts that child more sometimes 4:23 than the physical punishment. So, there's a boundary that child has which says don't humiliate me publicly, Dad when you punish me. I used to discipline my children. I would not even let other children come into the room. 4:37 Nobody would be in the room when I disciplined each of my children. What? They'd be only there. So there are boundaries. A wife has got her boundary. She's got a respect about her. It's not that she's a slave. 4:53 In heathen cultures a wife is a slave. In many Western cultures the wife is a boss. So, both are wrong. Be subject to one another. God has given different functions. It's not that the husband is the only Do you know the 5:12 husband cannot do certain things that the wife can do. For example, the husband can't bear children. No matter how much you try. It's not possible. That's the function of the wife because she's equipped for that. In the same way, if wives must recognize 5:27 the husband has been equipped to be the head of the house exactly the same way. Just like it's crazy if a husband tries to bear a child, it will never happen. But the wife can try to be the head of the home. It creates problems because 5:41 that's not what she's called to. She's not equipped for it. God has given us all distinct abilities and equipment for our particular function. Man for leadership. And if a man does not exercise leadership, he's violating 6:00 the function which God gave for him. It's very important to recognize that. In our churches we teach what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 11 that a woman veils her head when she prays or prophesies teaching thereby submission 6:16 to her husband. It's 1 Corinthians there's 16 verses on that in 1 Corinthians 11. And then there are another 16 verses on breaking of bread. Many take the second part and don't take the first part. But we take the whole New Testament. 6:28 And so, what I've said in our churches the woman veiling her head is a sign I am submitting to my husband. And it was like that even in United States about 100 years ago. Wives recognized they had to be submitted to their husbands and almost 6:45 in every church women veiled their heads. But it all disappeared once the women's liberation movement came up and they said, "Well, we're equal." And all the chaos that's come up in homes, the amount of divorce, it all came from 7:00 there. It came from that business of we are equal in God's eyes, but our function is not the same. Just like I said, one bearing children and one headship. So, what I said was a man must exercise the leadership of the home. For example, 7:18 in the matter of children it says in Ephesians 6 verse 4, fathers It doesn't say fathers and mothers. Fathers, don't provoke your children to anger. But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Do you know 7:34 that primary responsibility is the father's? And if a father does not fulfill that function he's a useless father. Then the mother has to do it. But if children don't grow up to fear God 7:53 to respect older people to speak respectfully to older people, the fault is 100% with the father. Cuz he's supposed to be the one who's supposed to bring up Don't leave Leave that to the Sunday school. No. 8:11 We had Sunday school in our children, but I didn't leave the bringing up of my children to Sunday school. I brought them up myself. Instruction means God's word and discipline means when they don't obey what God's word says. 8:23 So if a father is not taking that leadership I told people in our church you men should veil your heads and sit here. Be honest. You're telling a lie when you keep your head uncovered and saying I'm the head when you're not the 8:37 head at home. When a man does not veil his head, he's saying, "I am the head of my home." There's significance there. And so, it's just as wrong for a man to keep an unveiled head and not be the head of his home 8:56 as it's wrong for a woman to veil her head and not be a subject to her husband. So, it's important that we follow God's order. You know uh whenever we buy some very, very expensive equipment that costs 20, 30,000 dollars, 9:12 supposedly there's some very expensive equipment, or something even less than that, even if something like a washing machine and a very complicated electronic one, it's got ins- an instruction booklet saying if you follow this instruction 9:25 booklet, your machine will work perfectly. Now, if you're crazy enough to think that the manufacturer doesn't know what head or tail about this, I know what to do with it and you go ahead and push the different buttons and the whole thing 9:38 backs up and you take it for it's within its warranty period. The first thing the shopkeeper will ask you, "Did you follow the instructions?" And you say, "No, I thought he was all manufacturer is all crazy. I know what 9:52 to do with this." This is exactly what a lot of people do when they get married. They don't follow the manufacturer's instructions, the Bible. God was the one who ordained marriage. Just like that manufacturer who manufactured a washing machine, you're 10:08 humble enough to acknowledge that when it comes to the washing machine, the manufacturer knows better than you. Why aren't we humble enough to acknowledge that God who instituted marriage also knows what is best for a marriage? 10:24 That when God says the husband is the head, it's not because he thinks the husband is superior. In fact, the Bible says that's why God made Adam first. If he wanted the wife to be the head, he'd have made the Eve first. 10:38 If he wanted both of them to be equal, he'd have made them all together, same time. And not only that, it says he took Eve from out of Adam to show their connection. And you know that passage in Genesis 2 which says God said, "Let 10:56 Let us make a It's not good for man to be alone." There's something very beautiful here. If you read Genesis chapter 1, you see something there. I will The first day God saw created the light, 11:13 verse 4, he saw it was good. Again, you read in verse 10, he saw it was good. Again in verse 12, Genesis 1:12, it was good. And again, further down, you read a number of times, verse 18, it was good. 11:32 And verse 21, it was good. And on the fifth day, it was good. And even in the beginning of the sixth day, verse 25, it was good. So, you hear that it was good, it was good, it was good, it was good, it was good, it was good, and suddenly God 11:49 says, "It is not good." When was that? It's not good for man to be alone. So, this is what happened. It's good, it's good, it's good, it's good, everything is good, when suddenly God says it's not good for man to be alone. 12:05 And then when he's made a wife, what does he say? In Genesis 1 31, it's very good. So, what is it that made the transition from not good to very good? A married couple 12:25 who accepted their place that the manufacturer had planned. The woman was to be a helper. I will make man a helper suitable for him, verse 18. Now, sometimes a man can be very 12:44 arrogant towards his wife and say, "Hey, I'm everything here. You're just a helper." God said that. But it's not only like that. I mean, you can look at it like this that God said, "Well, this guy Adam would never make it if I don't make a 13:01 helper for him. So, I better make a wife for him." So, all the question is how you look at it. There's a complementing in husband and wife. You need to see that. When young couples who are engaged come to me before they get married, 13:16 I draw a little diagram for them on a piece of paper of an egg. And I say, "Now, I'm going to break this egg with my hand. I'm not going to neatly cut it. I'm going to break it with my hand." And then I draw a picture of these two broken eggshells, and you 13:31 know how they look with a lot of pokey edges, both of them. And I say, "I want you to know that both of you are like this. You've got a lot of pokey edges to hurt each other. But the wonderful thing is, wherever there's a 13:46 pokey edge here, there's a depression there. And wherever there's a pokey edge, there's a depression here. When you put it both together, it just fits in perfectly. What that means is that you have strengths where the other person has a weakness. 14:01 And you have weaknesses where the other person has strength. When God brings people, that's what it means a helper suitable. Suitable means one that fits in perfectly. So, many people complain, many husbands say, "My wife is 14:17 completely opposite to me." I said, "That must have been the choice of God then, definitely. If your wife is exactly the opposite of yours, perfect." But a lot of people think that's something to complain about. No, it's a 14:28 compliment. One that fits in with each other, and we do need to manifest to the world how wonderfully God brought us together. And and even where there are problems, you know, God can so work in redemption and salvation 14:47 that he can make bring us to that place where we recognize our mutual, you know, fitting in with each other, where we make up for the weaknesses of the other person. And our weaknesses are made by made up by the strength in the other person. 15:03 That's the type of home in which our children must grow and see what a wonderful thing it is to be married. Do you know there are many many children grown up in broken homes, in divorced homes, and not only that, in homes where they've 15:18 always seen parents fighting with each other. Because I've been shepherding for 40 years, hundreds and hundreds of people, I know what goes on in so many Christian homes. There's a lot of fighting and yelling and quarreling and 15:37 it affects the children. You may not realize it. When those children grow up, one of the things that make children very insecure is when they've seen parents fighting a lot at home. And it affects them. There are children who 15:55 say, "I never want to get married." I heard that. Because I've seen what marriage is like in my home, and I don't want to produce another home like that. So, in the midst of a world which is like that, we need to build homes which are like a 16:09 light, completely different from that darkness, where people can see how a husband and wife complement each other and value one another, and fit in together to fulfill God's purpose. 16:28 It's not that husband and wife don't have disagreements. They do have disagreements because we are imperfect. There's no perfect person on earth, and therefore there cannot be a perfect husband and wife. Everyone who, whenever young men get 16:44 married, I said, "Please remember you're marrying a imperfect wife. She's marrying an imperfect husband. It's Marriage is two imperfect people being brought together by God so that they can gradually make a marriage that becomes more and 17:03 more perfect. This is the wonder of redemption, of salvation, that if both are saved and allowed and be and are filled with the Holy Spirit like we read in Ephesians 5, gradually they can come to a place where they demonstrate the relationship 17:19 between Christ and the church. So, if you turn to Ephesians 5, it says there that Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. See, when you read 17:39 a husband should not be reading Wives, be subject to your own husbands. That verse is not meant for you, husbands. Do you read other people's letters? I hope not. Well, this letter is not addressed to you, husbands. So, when you come across when you read 17:58 the scripture and you read Wives, be subject to your husband, you got to jump to the next verse. You say, "That's not for me. That's a letter for somebody else." And when a wife comes to verse 20 three, um and and over 25, she should say, "Hey, 18:12 that's not addressed to me. Husbands, love your wives." But what you see very often is husbands telling their wives, "Hey, you're supposed to be subject to me." How did you know that? You were not supposed to read that verse. 18:23 And the wife says, "But you're supposed to love me as Christ loved the church." How did you know that? You're not supposed to read that verse. Well, I'm only joking, but it's serious that this is not your responsibility. 18:34 The Bible does not say Husbands, make your wives subject to you. But that's how some people read it. Or Wives, make your husbands love you as Christ loved the church. That's not what it says. It's the wife's responsibility 18:50 to be subject, it's the husband's responsibility to love. And don't be a busybody in other people's marriages. If you do your part, God will do a wonderful thing in your partner. We got to believe that. Even if a wife has got a 19:06 very difficult husband who does not obey the word of God. It says in 1 Peter 3:1, how a wife should handle a husband who is disobedient. Disobedient, that's a strong word. Imagine if you're married to a husband 19:24 who's disobedient to the word of God. Here's a verse for you. You wives, be submissive to your husbands, 1 Peter 3:1, so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they can be won. Won means they can be brought to Christ 19:43 without a word, without one word, by the behavior of their wives. Have any of you wives got disobedient husbands? Have you read this verse? That without your opening your mouth, you can win your husband. You don't believe that because you don't believe 20:03 God's word. By your behavior, not by your preaching. A lot of wives try to win their husbands by their preaching. And that you usually leads to greater distance between them. But to win them by your behavior, by 20:20 your conduct. I'll tell you a true story of what happened to a family in India where this God-fearing woman was married to a husband who claimed to be a believer but was not really a serious Christian. 20:39 So, almost the first day after they married, he said, "I want to go to the movies. We're going to the movies today." And she said, "I don't go to the movies. Sorry." He said, "No, you're my wife. You got to come to the movies with me today." 20:55 What do you do then? So, she said, "Okay." Cuz husbands wives be subject to your husbands. So, she went and sat in the movie theater and closed her eyes for the entire two or three hours, however long these movies go on. 21:14 She didn't see a thing. And the husband, whenever there was an exciting scene, he would nudge her and see she was asleep and eyes closed. And then whenever there's something exciting, she he'd always find her eyes closed. 21:27 He came home and said, "I'm so fed up. I'll never take you to a movie again." And he got converted later on. By the behavior of their wives, that was wisdom. So, that's a true story and you can see 21:46 how there are many many other examples like that. When we think that we can only win people by preaching, we are wrong. How does God bring us to repentance? By threats? That's what a lot of preachers do, 22:03 threaten people they're going to hell. Show me one Show me one sermon in the Acts of the Apostles, one, where people were converted by being threatened that they were going to go to hell. I believe in hell. I preach in it. 22:19 But let me tell you something, take a concordance and look up the word hell and you'll find it's almost always preached to believers. Do you know where hell comes first in the Bible? In the New Testament? In the Sermon on the Mount. 22:37 It's not spoken to unbelievers. Spoken to disciples. If you get angry and allow that anger to come forth through the mouth again and again, you are in danger of going to hell. If you lust with your eyes after a woman, pull out your eye, otherwise you 22:54 can go to hell. If you sin sexually with your hand, cut it off, otherwise you'll go to hell. Three times. Believers preach it to unbelievers. Jesus preached it to believers. So, we have to see 23:13 how does God bring people to repentance? Let me show you a verse, Romans chapter 2. And verse 4. Romans 2:4 says in the last part, the kindness of God leads you to repentance. 23:33 So, I mentioned that if your husband or wife is unconverted or not unconverted but perhaps a believer but you feel there are some serious areas where your partner needs to repent. They're not godly in some area where you are godly or you 23:49 imagine yourself to be godly. How will you make your partner godly? By kindness. That's God's way. Why not try God's way? You've tried all the other ways. Why not try God's way now? Kindness. By your kindness, he leads us to 24:07 repentance. It's very important to understand this because we must recognize because we have a flesh in which dwells nothing good and two people like that come together, there's going to be misunderstanding, conflict. And when you have children, it's very 24:25 important that you don't have your arguments in front of them. Never argue in front of your children. Reserve that for the time when your children are sleeping and go and lock yourself up in the bedroom and continue that discussion. 24:40 But not in front of your children. That's a bad testimony. Those are innocent children brought into the world by you. Don't spoil them from childhood itself listening having to listen to your arguments. So, it's a very important principle if 24:57 you follow. Can't you wait? I mean, the world's not going to collapse if you wait till bedtime before you do your discussion. So, why can't you wait a little? Or if your children are grown up, well, go for a walk and talk about it outside 25:10 the house. Little little principles that can save you know, a lot of an unhealthy atmosphere at home. We have to face the fact that we are different and there can be differences of opinion. But a difference of opinion does not 25:25 mean we have to be separated in spirit. I don't think you'll ever find a husband and wife on earth who are completely agreed. I mean, a husband can force his wife to agreement like in heathen cultures. But they're not agreed really from 25:44 inwardly and but they can be one in spirit. You can be one in spirit with someone you disagree with on certain things. Okay, we hold a different view on that. So, what? It doesn't matter. We can still be one in our spirit. 25:59 We have that beautiful picture in Exodus 17 of Moses, you know, sitting at a stone which Phil spoke about yesterday and Aaron and Hur holding up his hands. It reminds me of what Jesus said, "If two or three are gathered in my name, 26:14 they can bind the activities of Satan." Matthew 18:18-20. And that was what is happening. Joshua could defeat people when these three were united. But they were not agreed, you know. Aaron disagreed with Moses about the 26:27 wife he married. You read about that later on in uh Numbers chapter 12. But when they were fighting the enemy, Aaron wasn't discussing with Moses, "Hey, what about your wife? I'm not going to hold up your hand because you 26:42 uh you married the wrong woman." He their only point was this, "Are all three of us agreed that Amalek should be defeated? Forget about my wife." They said, "Yes." Okay. That's our point of unity. So, husband and wife, are you agreed that the devil 27:00 should not enter your home? That's enough. Are you agreed that Jesus Christ should be the Lord of your home? Matter settled. All the other things aren't important. That is the point of our unity. That's what you see there. 27:13 They were not discussing things which were irrelevant at that point. Amalek in the valley has to be defeated. And we got to be united in that. Because you know, whenever a gap comes between a husband and wife, that's it's a it's through a wedge that 27:31 the devil puts in there cuz he wants to get in. And both of you may be mature enough to handle the devil, but your children are not. His aim is to get your children. And there are so many children who've gone astray because the husband and wife allowed a 27:47 gap to come between them. They were not faithful to keep that unity between themselves. Now, we can't do anything about the past, but we can do a lot about the future. That we preserve that unity of the 28:05 spirit in the bond of peace, even in the church. See, I worked with fellow elders in Bangalore in my church. The two of us started 40 years ago. And here's my honest testimony. In 40 years that this brother and I have 28:25 worked together, we have never once had a division. Never once, you know, been separated in our spirit. Disagreements? Many times. And there will be in the future also, 28:42 but separation in our spirit, not even once. So, I know from experience that we can have disagreements, but we learn to work together in that and say, for example, in something in the church, if he and I disagreed on something, we'd 29:00 say, "Okay, then we won't do it till we come to agreement because we're not going to have a conflict over this issue." So, it's very important that husband and wife also work together like that that it's the same principle I followed in my 29:14 home, for example, if Annie and I had a disagreement on how we should permit our children to do, for example, if they went to school and they had to participate in something and we discussed is it right or wrong for us to let them participate in that. 29:29 If both of us not were not agreed in their participating in that function, we'd say, "Okay, then we won't do it. We won't let them participate. We we'll allow them to participate in the function only if both of us are agreed 29:39 on it. It's a protection that because one person alone cannot fully see all aspects of a situation. And that's why God gives us fellow elders. That's why I've never believed in a one-man pastor. We work in so many churches in India. 29:57 Every one of them has got plurality of elders. There's no such thing as a one-man pastor in the New Testament. Because there must be a balance. One balances the other. No one is perfect. The only one who could walk alone was 30:09 Jesus Christ. Nobody else. We all need one another. And so, that's the In a In a home, the husband and wife are the elders. And when we consider something for our children or for the home the husband and the wife must put 30:28 together their views and come to a conclusion. It's like the husband viewing a building, taking a photograph of a building from the north side and the wife taking a photograph of the same building from the south side and 30:42 you put it together, they look completely different. And they can have an argument there. This is not the same building. It is. But she's taken a picture from the opposite side. And when you put both together you get a better picture of the house 31:02 than if you as a dictatorial husband forced your wife to come to your point of view. Then you both get a picture of the house from the north side. You've lost something. And every husband who's a dictator who forces his wife to have his point of 31:20 view is actually destroying his house. He's lost out that opposite view that his wife can bring because he doesn't respect her. Or it could be the other way around where a wife thinks that my husband's dumb. Uh he doesn't know anything. 31:38 And that's so wrong. Just because somebody's got another view doesn't mean they're wrong. If they're presenting another view of the same subject and it a discussion about some subject even if there's a disagreement must 31:51 never become a point of argument and quarrel. We must set things aside. Say, "Okay, we'll discuss it further. And we won't proceed forward till we are united." See Ephesians 4. This is an advice that I often give to couples when they're getting married. 32:10 And many times in marriages in our church I have given this advice. Ephesians 4 and verse 26. Be angry but don't sin. Don't let the sun set 32:28 on your anger. Now, in those days when they didn't have electricity sunset was the time people went to bed. And what he was saying was don't go to bed angry. 32:48 That's a legitimate paraphrase of that verse. Whatever discussion you may have whatever disagreement, maybe you're upset with each other you know, a godly person won't let that anger go beyond 5 seconds. He'll overcome it. 33:04 But the sunset is sort of the outer limit God gives for those who are not wholehearted. Cuz God knows that most Christians are not wholehearted, then okay as a allowance for you I allow you to keep your anger till sunset, but don't keep it beyond that. 33:24 The best thing is to get rid of it immediately. I mean, it's like you get a thorn in the foot. You can wait till sunset to pull it out or you can pull it out immediately. That's God gives you an option. If you prefer to keep that thorn there 33:36 poking you all the time till sunset for some reason do it. The best thing, sensible thing would be to pull it out immediately, but sunset is the outer limit. Do you know anger is like that? It it you keep a thorn in your foot, it causes 33:48 an infection. And you keep anger in your heart, believe it or not there's pus that forms around that in your heart. And the longer you keep it, the worse it becomes. And sometimes it requires surgery. Pretty bad. The best thing is pull it out 34:05 immediately. But here's the outer limit. Don't let it go beyond sunset. So you know, when newly married couples, they take a little time to get over their anger. Every married couple knows that. So, I say, "Okay allow for the fact that 34:22 it'll take time. It may take a few years perhaps for you to really be free from anger if you're really wholehearted. But until then, make sure that your anger never goes beyond sunset. Even if the discussion has not come to a 34:32 conclusion. For example, supposing you're discussing some subject and you haven't come to a conclusion on it. Okay, you'll postpone the discussion till tomorrow, but we're not going to go to bed angry. So, that's the advice I've given to 34:46 young couples. Don't go to bed with anger. Apologize. Ask forgiveness. And I also have to teach them how to ask forgiveness. Don't say you know, the common way of asking for If I've hurt you, please 35:05 forgive me. That's not the way to ask it. That That's like saying, "If you're I don't believe I did anything wrong, but if you're stupid enough to think so, then please forgive me." It's an insult. That's not the way to ask forgiveness. 35:22 The way to ask is I was wrong. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. What can I do now to set it right? Shall I get you all to repeat it after me? No, I'm not going to treat you like children, but understand this. 35:42 That was my mistake. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. What can I do to set it right? That was my mistake. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. 36:00 What can I do to set it right? That was Okay. Okay, you got it. It'll revolutionize your marriage. And say it meaning it. Don't just But never say, "If I have made a mistake 36:19 forgive me." No. It's an insult to the other person. Because we do make mistakes. You know, the only person in the universe who doesn't make mistakes is God. The only person in the universe is God who doesn't make mistakes. And 36:33 we're not God. So, till the end of my life I'll make mistakes. I know that. So, I'm ready till the last day of my earthly life to acknowledge one thing. I am not God. Is that difficult for you? Therefore, I will make mistakes. 36:52 I may sometimes accidentally, sometimes without even intending. Haven't you uh husbands and wives, I mean, the imperfect ones among us like me uh haven't you had the experience of sometimes saying something and it was misunderstood by the other party? 37:09 You never had such experiences? And what do you do then? And the person's hurt. You say, "It is misunderstanding. I never meant that." True. But it was misunderstood. So, what do you do if you accidentally uh supposing you're standing somewhere, 37:28 you step back and you accidentally step on somebody's foot. What do you tell him? "Well, I didn't really mean to step on your foot, so I'm not going to apologize for that." Have you ever Anybody done that? You You I know you 37:38 didn't mean it. You accidentally stepped on somebody's foot, but you still apologize. Any sensible person would do that. So, it's no use arguing about did I mean it or didn't I mean it? The point is you got you hurt the other person even 37:53 though you didn't mean it. Why can't you do the same thing you do when you accidentally step on somebody's foot? I'm sorry. That can happen frequently in a marriage and it's it's it's so easy to apologize there and 38:10 air is cleared immediately. You know how to test whether you and your partner have a good relationship. After many, many years I've come to this conclusion. Uh it's not by testing whether you can read the Bible together. 38:26 You You know very well that even when you have a conflict with each other, you can still read the Bible together, right? And you can even pray together. Of course, you don't mean what you pray, but you just repeat some words. 38:40 When you have a conflict, you can read the Bible together, you can pray together. You can eat together, you can do many things together. There's one thing you can never do together when you have conflict. You can't joke 38:51 with each other. You try it. When you have a conflict and see if you can joke with each other. It never never happens. So, I say the test of a good relationship is humor. Can you joke with each other? Then your relationship is good. Not only between 39:08 husband and wife. Between brothers, between sisters. You know, when you cannot say something funny and then both enjoy it believe it or not, your relation is strained. And don't convince yourself, "Oh, we're praying together. We're reading the 39:24 Bible together." No. I believe that's why God's given us humor uh as like a safety valve. You know, prevents explosions. So, use it. I use it all the time. With with my fellow believers and at 39:42 home and Uh I have a wife who laughs at my jokes even if I'm saying it for the 100th time. I believe it's a it's a very important thing and uh I encourage you to use it more and we must have a happy time in our home. And it's wonderful for 40:01 children to see that. And as children grow up that we can have the same humorous relationship with our children. I still have that today. With all four of my sons. They can say funny things to me and I say funny things to them. 40:16 That's how we build up a home where there's an atmosphere of love and care for one another. And gradually over a period of time it becomes a little bit like heaven. On our Don't you want to give that as an inheritance to your children? 40:33 There are wealthy people in the world who can give thousands of dollars or hundreds of thousand dollars as an inheritance to their children. But we can give the atmosphere of heaven that they've seen in our home as an inheritance to our children when 40:49 they leave. And I tell you that's the greatest inheritance we can give them. Cuz when they go out and start a home in their own they'll say, "I want to have a home like the one my dad and mom made for me." I hope your children when they leave 41:04 home will be able to say that. "I want a home where which has the same atmosphere as I had in my parents' home." That'll be the greatest compliment even if you couldn't buy lots of things for them and give them all the things that other rich 41:19 people could get for their children. Doesn't matter. When we grew up my wife and I were very poor. And uh we couldn't give a lot of things to our children that other people could give. I I couldn't even go take them around in a car most of them. I used to 41:33 take my children on a scooter for more than 40 years. And um I see that it didn't harm them because I say, "This is not the greatest inheritance I'm giving you. See what you learned about godliness. See what you learned about Jesus. 41:49 And see what you learned about heaven here in our home. That's the inheritance my brothers and sisters, the greatest thing that you can give to your children to your children. And that's why it's very important the greatest thing you can do for your 42:01 bringing up your children properly is to love your wife. The greatest thing you can do to bring up your children properly is to love your husband. You don't realize that, but loving your partner is the most important thing you 42:13 can do for bringing up your children properly. And I want to say something else about relationships. See the Bible says that in the household of God 1 Peter chapter 4 and verse 17. 1 Peter 4:17 in the 42:34 household of God it is time for judgment to begin. And it begins with us first. See that expression? Household means family. The family of God we judge us first. Judgment begins with 42:53 us first. So think of your home as a family of God. Judgment must begin with yourself first. See that's where the family of God is like a light in the midst of a dark world. Light is the opposite of darkness. 43:12 And a true wholehearted Christian his value system is exactly the opposite of people in the world. People in the world value money so highly. Christians use money, but they don't value it like that. And in fact in the world they put 43:30 themselves first in everything. You know that. The world is full of people who say me first. From childhood it's like that. Me first except in judgment. When it comes to judgment they're ready to judge everybody else first. They 43:43 don't judge themselves. That's how the world is. That's darkness. So what is the opposite of that? Light means we put others first in everything except in judgment where we put ourselves first. So that's the household of God which is 43:58 the opposite of the world. So in other words, a husband and wife got to set the tone in the home by each judging themselves first. Not judging the other person. Lord, where did I go wrong? Show me. 44:17 And each person where did I go wrong? That will be the family of God. And if you judge the other person first, that's the family of Adam. That's what usually happens. And the sad thing is a lot of people who call themselves 44:32 Christian homes it's like Adam's home. Not a Christian home. It's not a home of Jesus Christ. It's the home of the family of Adam which is me first in everything except judgment. I judge you. Why did you do this? Why do 44:46 you do that? How many times I've told you not to do it. And you still keep doing the same thing. That's not the way to build relationships. We judge ourselves first. And also I learned something from you know, Genesis chapter 3. 45:03 From God, you know, we have to imi- The Bible says be imitators of God in Ephesians in chapter 5. Be imitators of God. And here's one way one place where we can imitate God. When Adam and Eve sinned they messed up. They violated God's plan and they 45:23 created a serious problem in the Garden of Eden. And God came in and asked Adam uh did you eat it? Did you eat the tree? And he blames his wife. There you see the beginning of when man's relationship with God is gone. 45:43 Adam sinned. His connection with God was gone. And what is the proof of it? He doesn't judge himself. He judges his wife. God didn't ask him anything about his wife. He asked Adam a simple question. 45:59 "Did you eat of the tree verse 11 I told you not to eat?" It's a simple question to which there are only two possible answers. Yes or no. You know, like some of these question papers we get where tick yes or no. But Adam doesn't tick either of them. He 46:20 writes underneath third point "Lord, I got to tell you about my wife." "She is the one who plucked the fruit and and don't forget you're the one who gave me this wife." You know, indirectly blaming God as well. Have any of you ever 46:37 said this, "Lord, why you Why do you give me such a wife?" Adam said that first. "Why do you give me such a husband?" This is the This is what happens when a man's connection with God is gone. And whenever you say that you can say to 46:51 yourself, "My connection with God is gone. That's why I'm blaming my wife. And that's why I'm indirectly blaming God. Why in the world did you know, why in the world did you give me such children? Or why in the world did you 47:01 give me Imagine. I hope you will remember the moment you start blaming somebody else your connection with God is gone in your home. And But God doesn't say anything further. He leaves it. He asks the wife "Did you What is this you have done?" 47:20 She came out from Adam's side so she's got the same nature. "It's not me, Lord. It's the snake. The snake is the devil's the cause of all the problem." It's so difficult for Adam and Eve to just say, "Yes. I'm sorry. It was my fault." 47:37 Just like we find I said today it's so difficult to say, "It was my fault. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. How can I set it right?" Adam found it so difficult. "Yes, Lord. It was my fault. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. What can I do to set it right?" He 47:51 wouldn't say that. So you see that that is Adam's nature. And if you still have that in you, recognize it. That is Adam's nature. He could not take the blame for his own sin. I what do what But what do I see in 48:07 Christ on the cross? The exact opposite. He could take the blame for sins he had never committed. Blame for the sins of others. Now ask yourself. Are you in the tree of Adam or the tree of Christ? You all say, "I'm out of 48:27 Adam. I'm in Christ." I hope in this area which I just pointed out you have really come out of Adam and into Christ. Where you can even be willing to take the blame for something you didn't do. Isn't that wonderful? 48:45 Something you didn't do that, but it was supposing it was your husband or your partner's fault in something they did, but they didn't realize it. And they blame you for it. Isn't it good to just keep quiet and say, "Okay. 48:58 You're a really great person if you can do that. You know very well that he messed it up. But you keep quiet because you don't want to make a big fight over that matter. The unity of the spirit is more important. You know, this is godliness. 49:14 It's very easy to follow. I mean, what's going to happen if you Okay, let's fix it. But the thing I wanted to show you here is again God doesn't say anything to Eve. He blames the devil. He says, "You are cursed." He He punishes the devil first. 49:31 So what I see there is a husband and wife have messed up something. They're not willing to take the blame. And God says to the devil, "You are cursed." But not only that, he provides a solution to the problem. That's the wonderful thing I learned 49:47 here. That Adam and Eve messed up something, they're destined to go to hell, cast out of Eden, but before God cast them out, he says, "Hey, I want you to know that I've found a solution to your problem. The seed of the woman, verse 15, will 50:06 crush the serpent's head." That's the He's talking about the coming of Christ to solve this problem that is caused by Adam and Eve's sin. So, what I learned from that is supposing my wife has done something wrong, or you 50:23 see your husband has done something wrong, or the children have done something wrong. You know, let's take for example our children. Maybe they messed up something, and you're already told them to be careful. Don't jump on them immediately for what 50:40 they did wrong. First, fix the problem. Then, advise them how to do it next time. But very often, we immediately jump on them and "How many times I told you not to do it like that? And do this." This is a wrong spirit This is not the 50:54 spirit of God. What I learned from this is fix the problem first, and then give the advice how to avoid making the same mistake next time. You remember when Peter was walking on the water, looking at Jesus, and he turned his eyes away, 51:10 and it says he began to sink. And he said, "Lord, save me." Did the Lord first give him a lecture on faith? He'd have reached the bottom of the lake by the time the sermon was over. He caught his hand, solved the problem of sinking, and then 51:29 gave him the lecture. "Why didn't you trust me?" There you see the same That's God's way. A problem is created. Let me fix it, and then we'll go into how to avoid it next time. It's a very simple thing. I You learn it from 51:44 scripture. That's the way God did it. That's the way Jesus did it. You read about an incident. I don't know whether you read the incident in 1 Samuel 17. When you get time, read it. David tells King Saul, "When I was a shepherd looking after the sheep, 51:57 a lion came and took one of the sheep in its mouth." And do you know what David did? You know? He went up and gave a lecture to the sheep? No. 52:17 He killed the lion, and then pulled out the sheep from the mouth, and then must have told the lamb, "Okay, you must be careful to stay with the flock next time." Everywhere I see this principle, a godly person fixes the problem, 52:31 and then gives advice how not to do it next time. It's a very simple thing, you know, it could be your wife who's done something wrong, okay? Or your husband's done something wrong. Fine. Let's fix the problem, and then 52:43 And also, don't pester a child. Keeping on telling that child Okay, he heard it. Why do you have to keep on pestering him with that information? That this is the way to do it. This is the way to do it. That's That shows your own irritation. 53:00 Then you're not correcting, you're just manifesting your irritation. That you've said You've said the correct way to do it, but you don't How would you feel? You know, there's a great verse where Jesus said, "Do unto others as you would have others 53:14 do unto you." It's a wonderful verse. Treat your husband the way you want to be treated. Speak to your wife the way you want to be spoken to. Always. 53:32 Like I heard of a wife who told her husband, "You know, if you will only speak to me in the kind way you speak to strangers who come to our door, that's enough. That much is enough." I mean, ask yourself, do you speak to 53:47 your wife in a Do you speak to strangers in a kinder way if they come to the door than you speak to your wife? There's something seriously wrong there. That means you can speak kindly, even if a stranger came and wasted your time, 54:03 you still speak kindly and say, "Okay." We really need to control our speech here. I believe there can be a great demonstration of the atmosphere of heaven in our home if we just control our tongue. The Bible says, "Let your speech be 54:19 always with grace, seasoned with salt." Colossians 4:6. So, that's a very important thing. And concerning this matter of blame, I read a very beautiful article the other day, which I just want to give you a gist of it. 54:39 It's written by an American lady in an American Christian I think it's a mag- magazine where And this is her testimony. She says, "I got fed up with my husband. It was I got fed up with all his ways. And 54:59 the time had come, I took my little baby, and I wrote a note saying, 'Goodbye, I'm leaving. We are breaking up.' And she says I was I I'm not quoting it exactly, but this is the gist of it. And I'm going to my parents' home." The 55:16 parents lived in the same town, so she took her bags and went to her parents' home. And her mother was a very wise, God-fearing mother. She said, "Now, before you finally run away from your husband, 55:33 I want you to do something." She gave her a sh- She gave her a sheet of paper with a line drawn down the middle of that paper. And she told her, "Okay, on the left side, I want you to write all the things which are wrong in your husband." Uh she said, 55:52 "I'm just itching to write that. I can write a lot lots of things." And then she thought and she wrote there, "He My father is the pastor in the church. He sleeps when my father's preaching. And uh he belches at the table and uh 56:10 uh he does he throws his clothes around and doesn't put them away properly. And he doesn't tell me when he's coming back late and uh many many things, the normal things that husband and wives have complaints about. Number of things like that. 56:27 And um he's very tight with money and doesn't allow me to spend much and different things like this." And then she said, "I knew what my mother will ask me. On the other side, write his good points." So, she asked her mother, "You want me 56:45 to write his good points on the other side?" And the mother said, "No. I know your husband, and I know his good points. There's no need for you to tell me that. Now, what I want you to do on the other side is against each point where you've 56:57 written your husband does this, husband does this, husband does this, I want you to write what was your reaction when he did that." For each point, what was your reaction? Sometimes you got angry, sometimes you got upset, sometimes you pouted, and 57:10 sometimes you gave him the silent treatment, and the various ways in which you react. You made made a list. And then, when she finished this list, said, "My mother took a scissors and cut it up that middle line, and took all the complaints against my 57:27 husband, crumpled it, and threw it in the trash, and said to her daughter, 'Take this list now of your reactions. I'll look after your baby now. Go home. Spend a little time looking through these reactions for a little while, and then come back 57:44 and tell me if you still want to divorce your husband or not.'" And when she looked at this list without the corresponding other side of what her husband was doing, it looked so horrible how she was reacting in her words and language and many many 58:03 different ways. She came back and said, "Thank you, Mom." Took the baby and went back home before her husband came back from work, and decided to follow that advice of her mother. 58:21 And then she goes on to say, "Uh when her husband some years later, when her husband is in her in his 40s, maybe 48 or something, he got Alzheimer's. Now, most people don't get that in their 40s. It's much later. Alzheimer's means 58:40 you lose your memory, and you can't even recognize people. Gradually Gradually comes. You begin to forget and forget and forget, and become so dependent on other people, and ultimately, you don't recognize your wife." And 58:59 he was she was so happy that she had learned these lessons before he got that. And then one day her son came to her and said, "Mom, what do we do when Dad completely can't even recognize us and doesn't know who we are in the house, 59:14 and doesn't remember anything?" And then she said to her son, "We will remember all the good things that our dad did to for us. And all the good things we can remember about him. We will remember it then." And she said she learned that because 59:31 she had learned to stop complaining about all the wrong things. Life passes by so quickly. Some of you may know there's a big uproar now about a a website 59:51 where people can have an affair with women. And one of the advertisements and a lot of people have been caught even somebody told me 400 pastors were in that list. Secret affairs. And the advertisement on that website was life is short, have an affair. 1:00:10 I say life is short, be kind to one another. Because you never know when something may happen. What if your partner gets Alzheimer's? What if your partner suddenly dies? I remember reading a poem where a man 1:00:28 said I never knew how good my wife was till the day she died. And I realized how she had patiently borne with so many wrong things in my life. 1:00:46 How she would make my life easy in so many ways at home caring for me. Alas, I never knew. I took it all for granted. Because she was my wife. I expected it. And one day she was gone. I suddenly realized I didn't have all 1:01:06 that. Don't wait till that day happens. If one day the Lord takes your partner you should be able to look back over a married life where you say okay in the beginning in the early years of married life we blundered a lot. 1:01:22 But we came to a place where we decided we're going to live in a godly way from now on. And perhaps for some of you that day is today. That you have decided you're going to live in a godly way so that your memories will be good if the Lord takes your 1:01:40 partner. Or quite apart from that that your children will see something's happened. It's a wonderful thing. We have a great responsibility to bring up our children in a way that the next generation can hear 1:01:59 the word of God. And that's why it's important for us to teach them God's word and the principles of God's word. See, once they begin to read you can give them a picture story Bible or I gave my children a thing called the 1:02:17 picture Bible. It's an excellent book. The whole Bible in comic strip form. You get it on Amazon for a very cheap price. And when my children were small I got them to read it so that they could understand the facts of the Bible right 1:02:31 from Genesis to Revelation. All in comic strip form the picture Bible. And I would ask them questions from that. Saying like who was Moses' mother? I'm sure you all know his her name. 1:02:49 Or who was Moses' father? I'm sure you all know his name. See, most of us don't. And I wanted to challenge them to get to know the facts of the Bible by reading it. So they would read it and they would come back with the answer 1:03:06 and then they got wise onto that and say we got to catch dad in something that he doesn't know. And they'd look up for something there and I remember one of them came to me at we used to discuss this at our dining table 1:03:18 while we were sitting. Dad do you know who was the general of Joab of David's army? I said yeah, I know who that is, Joab. How was Joab related to David? I don't know. Dad, he was David's sister's son. Oh, 1:03:37 really? I knew Joab was the son of Zeruiah. I never knew that Zeruiah was the sister of David. I don't know whether you knew that. So I got some uh instruction in the Bible too through this type of discussion. But it stimulated that you know that 1:03:54 they got interested in reading the Bible and all of them read through it. They got the facts of the Bible. And that's helped them so much as they've grown up. And then the principles of the Bible of course I could talk about when we are sitting around 1:04:08 the dining table that why we don't tell lies. Why we don't fight back with people who fight with us. Why we don't cheat in our examinations. And why we must always respect older people and speak respectfully even if they are tramps and beggars and 1:04:23 homeless people we must always speak respectfully to human beings. Always we must teach children to speak respectfully to everybody. And with respect to older people don't call older people by their first names. We taught that very clearly. It's a mark 1:04:40 of respect to use a respectful title brother so-and-so or uncle so-and-so or Mr. so-and-so. A lot of that respect is gone in the world today because we're approaching the end of time where the devil's just brought a spirit of rebellion into 1:05:00 everywhere. You see that in factories, schools, colleges homes. And in the midst of this darkness we have to build homes where our children respect their parents where they are upright. Basically in my home there were two things I emphasized very 1:05:16 strongly in our home. One is you must always speak respectfully to parents and to older people children honor your father and mother and obey them obedience. And the other was never to always to speak the truth. I would take telling lies very seriously 1:05:33 and I would say I don't care what mistake you did. Uh even if you set fire to a house come and tell me I won't blame you. But you broke something nothing in my home is valuable to me. I don't have a single valuable thing in 1:05:51 my house that they can't break. They can break everything. But they must tell me the truth. So it's very important from early childhood that we teach our children to speak the truth and to speak respectfully as a beginning. 1:06:04 See, in these small things immediate obedience. When I ask you to do something do it immediately. That is obedience and it's a wonderful thing if you can bring up your children like that. Particularly because we live in a world 1:06:17 of rebellion. It doesn't mean that we don't give them freedom to think and also once they grow beyond a certain age we have to be merciful to them. And not treat them like little you can't treat a teen teenager like a five-year-old. 1:06:36 And I want to say to you parents spend time talking to your children when they are small. I remember hearing a teenage 18-year-old girl telling his mother telling her mother when the mother wanted to spend time talking to her and her reply was Mom 1:06:53 when I was five years old I wanted to talk to you you were busy doing this that and the other you'd say wait wait wait I don't have time. Now I want to tell you I don't have time for you. I've got other things to do. Don't wait 1:07:04 till your teenager tells you that because when she was small you didn't have time for her. I believe parents need to take time with their children. You know, I remember here reading a story of a man who had only one son and his 1:07:20 wife had died and son had grown up and left the home. And he was living alone in his home as an older man and he was looking through his attic and he found an old diary of his son when his son was seven or eight years old. 1:07:36 And with different things written on different dates. And he thought hey, I've got my old diary too. He was a businessman with a very ordered life and he had his diary. He said I want to compare my diary with this boy's diary on the same date. 1:07:51 And he looked up one date in his diary and he found went fishing with my son. Didn't catch a single fish. Absolute waste of time. And he went to his son's diary on the same date. Went fishing with my dad. Best day of my life. 1:08:10 See the different you know different perspective. And at the end of that story it's written love for your children is spelt t i m e. Spending time with them. 1:08:28 Love for your partner is spelt t i m e. Particularly for children it's very important. The reason why so many children are going astray is because their parents don't have time for them. They don't sit and talk to them. 1:08:47 We don't homeschooling is not permitted in India. Uh children went to regular schools. But every time they came back from school my wife one reason my wife decided never to work even though she's a medical doctor she never worked one day in her life as 1:09:03 a doctor to earn money. She's never earned one cent. She's helped hundreds of poor people. But the reason we she stopped working was because she wanted to be a mother at home for our four sons. And every day our children would come back from school. I 1:09:19 would be very often traveling preaching here and there and uh going out of town. When the children came back she would talk to and say, "How is it in school today? How was your day today?" And each of the boys became very close 1:09:33 to her. And we could immediately see that you know, when you go to school, they pick up habits, words, which you can't blame them. They don't even know what those words mean. So you got to correct them at a very early stage. 1:09:48 See whether they bring any books back from school that some child gave them which are not good for them to read. If you keep a strict watch on them in a loving way, they'll grow up to love the Lord. And so, you know, I find maybe not so much in 1:10:05 your midst, but I find that in many homes nowadays, there are women who go to work to make more money. Now, I realize in some places in India, they're so poor that a woman has to work just for survival. Then God understands and he'll give 1:10:21 grace. But where a woman's going to work just to raise the standard of living for luxury, you may find that same grace is not there. And then the children suffer. I've seen numerous homes in India where husband and wife go to work and 1:10:37 the children don't have the attention they need. And the result is seen when those children become teenagers. Just for the sake of a little bit of money, today I weigh in a balance 1:10:54 four sons who are following the Lord. And on the other side all the hundreds of thousands of dollars my wife could have earned as a doctor. I know which is heavier. That money is worth nothing. Millions of dollars are nothing compared 1:11:10 to What if you lose your children? There's a song we sing, "Will the circle be unbroken in the sweet by and by?" The meaning is here today we are standing as a family, father and wife and father and mother and children all holding hands. 1:11:27 When you get up to heaven, will there be a gap in that circle? One child missing because you didn't take time to lead that child to the Lord, to show them godly ways. We're living in a very evil world. And we have to protect our children. 1:11:47 You have to watch over them very carefully. There's sexual predators all over in the most unexpected places who prey on little children. We have to protect them. And from other things, from spiritual dangers that they face in the world. 1:12:05 And with the with computers, now children have iPads and so many things and they play on the games on the parents' phones and we have to be very, very careful as to what are they doing? What are they watching? What are they watching on 1:12:20 their computers? We have got to be extremely strict if we want to preserve our children, to teach our young girls to dress modestly. I told a young girl once in our church, "Here's how you must dress. Supposing 1:12:39 Jesus were in the next street and invited you one day to come for a walk with him in the marketplace. Jesus physically. How would you go with him? In the marketplace. How would you dress to go for a walk with Jesus in the 1:12:55 marketplace where he can be proud to call you his sister?" I said, "That's the way you must dress every day, wherever you go. Don't look at the standards of the world. That's the way you must dress." And I believe mothers must be an example 1:13:08 there for their daughters. May God bless you all. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, we believe with the power of your Holy Spirit, 1:13:26 we can build godly homes. Please help us. We are weak, but you are strong. We lack wisdom, but you have wisdom. Give every family here, Lord, wisdom to live in peace with one another 1:13:44 and to raise godly children. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.
